I realized I was wrong. I failed to see that he craved emotional safety and expressed love in his own way, while I was lost in my thoughts and unable to communicate my needs. I pushed him away, then pulled him back, only to let him go again.
Reflecting on my actions, I felt foolish and burdened with grief for how I treated him. Thankfully, I had the chance to apologize, but I think about if he can recover from the emotional turmoil. He deserves love, respect, and consistency—qualities I wasn’t ready to offer.
Hindsight reminds me not to punish myself for who I wasn’t. I choose to acknowledge my healing and learn from my mistakes, rather than dwelling on the past. So, I sigh, apologize, and move forward, determined not to repeat my errors. All this while flying above the earth but beneath the stars.
Oh, one more thing about getting what you don’t initially want 🙄: I am a Marvel fan, but I wasn’t keen on the latest release. On the plane ride to Missouri, I started watching Thunderbolts. Watching the last hour on the flight home, I saw a character fight their void. A literal battle with their shadow, their darkness, and at a certain point, you could see the character being swallowed up by the void, unaware that the very fight was enveloping them. Not releasing them.
That is a whole other revelation for another day, by the way.
Another hero reached them, broke through the obstacles, and wrapped them in a reminder: the void is a lie. He was not alone. I cried. On that full plane, I held back tears. What hit me? Isolation. I’ve overcome depression, and seasons of being alone are meant to give God and us space to see and heal things we couldn’t in plain view of others. Alone isn’t lonely—it is the place you prepare for healthy relationships.
I would never trust anyone, hang out with my peers this week, or take a risk if I hadn’t first learned to trust God and myself. I found peace for my nervous system, as well as the accountability and communication needed to sustain healthy relationships. I was floored by how moved I was and how clearly I could answer myself when I engaged my curiosity.
I love the ability to recognize my transformations in real-time. The wisdom shared by colleagues, the gems they gleaned from me, and the determination I had to enjoy the whole trip—like I was paid to vacation even though it was work—remind me: I am becoming a new woman. More sunny days than dark ones, I think.
This week stretched me. And I’m grateful.
Until next time—stay grounded, and keep blooming. Our growth is sacred—and who says we can’t express it in the luxury language of love?
Yours in haute healing,
DreamGirl ✨🌿
