This is a weird space I am in. I am not familiar with this in-between. I am not unhappy, but I can’t find excitement. It’s as if I am making my way by feeling around on the walls while I place one foot in front of the other on the edge of a mountainous cliff. I have been prone to extremes, so maybe that is why this kind of balance feels empty. Joyful but aware. It is peaceful to focus on living my life at a slower pace. A pace that has room for mindfulness, for observation, and self- reflection. A pace that allows me to embrace shaping my opinions to reflect the love God has for me. And while I can admit that this void could all boil down to the fact that I have not redefined what it means for me to “have fun,” without this pace, peace, and balance, I would have missed the message in the workshop this week. The author and work-relationship guru in the video made it clear: the final puzzle piece in completing this 180-degree change in my relationship with myself hinges on redirecting my development.
I tend to focus on “fixing” what is wrong with me. Some people have a problem with that statement, saying there is nothing to “fix” with any human being. I have called it my healing journey, but I wanted to change how I was showing up in my life, and I thought the path was through my weaknesses. If I could just figure out how to reset my nervous system and my default responses, and identify and sharpen the weaker parts of me, then I would be the best version of myself. So much negativity in that type of self-reflection, so much criticism and pain. Why was I making myself a victim? A leftover pattern from a former version? To help me cultivate a more compassionate first-person perspective, I can start by using positive prompts to elevate my journaling practice. By focusing on reacquainting myself with my strongest qualities, I can tap into the abundance of positivity and joy that comes with experiencing this shift on a spiritual level. I can nurture my virtues by developing them through self-reflection and seeking advice from those who have mastered living from an asset-based foundation.
When I watched the short video urging viewers to rebel against the messaging we hear at school, at work, in our music and movies, and in many self-help resources, I felt a sensation. One that embodies the lightbulb-switching-on graphic from illustrations and movies. All this time, I’ve spent nurturing the parts of me that detract from me, that drain me, rather than exploiting my assets. It makes so much sense now that I can’t fathom living any other way. I want to immerse myself in this perspective. I want to watch my reflections change and learn how to describe the emotions associated with asset-based living.
But for now, I will be present in the in-between. Enjoying the balance. Exploring the void that is the incomplete. Reveling in faith about the future.
Another moment shared from inside my divine space filled with love,
~DreamGirl🌿✨
