Netflix’s show, From Scratch, hooked me. And I couldn’t tell immediately because of my initial response. I saw it was a limited series, and after the first two episodes, I stopped watching it and went to something else.
Usually, for me, that can mean either disinterest or a desire to extend the pleasure of the show cause it is well…limited, lol. This time it was definitely the latter. And if you have not watched it, there may be a few unintentional spoilers in this spill, so forgive me in advance. Yet there was a moment during that series that inspired me to see the perspective of overbearing elders in a different light, and I wanted to share it.
Too often, we give in-laws and parents a hard time cause they want us to date, get married, have babies, keep our home clean, call and visit more often— like they have forgotten how full and overwhelming life can become when you have not only competing schedules but social media telling you how to parent, what age you should accomplish what goal, and who to vote for. Not to mention weight loss or gain, saving for retirement, getting enough sleep, but not too much, and not forgetting to exercise and get your 10,000 steps a day. Life can get a bit louder than it was in previous generations, and that has left some people hopeless and in a no-contact relationship with family.
And I can sympathise.
However, while watching S1E5 of From Scratch, there was a scene where Lino’s parents were going back home to Sicily from LA after his successful surgery. They had heard the doctor explain that while Lino was now in remission, his type of cancer almost always eventually returned anywhere in the body where there is soft tissue (I’ll let you Google how much soft tissue the human body has).
Lino and his father, Giacomo, had been on bad terms since he left the family’s farm to be a chef, and not even the initial diagnosis had gotten him to speak to Lino. But this surgery and the machinations of a loving mother got Giacomo on a plane to LA to see his son. Then in LA, they reconciled during Lino’s healing process. His father finally accepted that Lino had a right to live his own life. His mother, Filomena, considered it a miracle since Giacomo had banned her from seeing Lino and had even told Lino he didn’t have a son a few scenes earlier.
So now, as they were in the driveway saying their final goodbyes, Filomena pensively mentions to Amy (Lino’s wife) that while getting father and son back on speaking terms was miraculous, a baby would be life-changing. And not in the overbearing mother-in-law manner one would expect. Yet what Filomena described was how a child would essentially give Lino something to live for again. A “new thing,” as it were.
See, at this point in the story, we know how much Lino loves cooking and how much it played a role in his and Amy’s love story. His love for cooking and his love for Amy had sustained him until this new and unexpected obstacle of cancer showed up on their journey. But in her wisdom, Filomena knew that a new life would bring a fresh energy and a newfound hope for the resilient couple. She was not just a meddling mother-in-law. She was showing up, I believe, as the wife of a career farmer, who understood what fresh crops on old ground could mean to the upcoming harvest.
With that seeded perspective in mind, I began to think what that could look like for those of us not quite in a position to have, adopt, or foster a child. How do we harness the power of hope through newborn energy? I wanted to share a few ideas that I hope take root if your soil needs a seed of rebirth:
- Hobbies: We know hobbies are not just pottery and knitting. And they do not have to be expensive or require classes or extensive skills. If you have been around, you will know I like plants, and that is not because I haven’t drowned my fair share. Pick one thing a week- if you like to dance, move your coffee table and cut a video on YouTube, TikTok, or another social platform, and give yourself 30 full minutes to engage. If you want to do hair, walk around a cosmetics store and ask questions. You will know what is right for you because you will always come back to it no matter how many plants you kill, I mean times you fail😉. And a hobby is something you can drop and pick up with no consequence, depending on how much you invest, so the possibility for new energy is endless.
- Dating: I swear I am not meddling🙃😂. But sometimes we get so wrapped up in the monotony of life that we forget to have a little fun. Between work, kids’ schedules, exercise classes, therapy sessions, and nights with friends, we need to connect with ourselves or our significant others on an intimate level. So if it’s not already, add at least 2-3 date nights to your monthly calendar. If you are single, call someone up or plan a night for yourself, in or out, doing something special just for you. Journal, light a candle, go to the best restaurant in your city—do something that edifies your relationship with yourself. If you are in a relationship, make sure this is an uninterrupted, safe space where you can pay full attention to one another. Seek to find out how your person has grown and changed, or just enjoy time in their presence, no pressure, just pleasure..
- Career/Continuing Education: I remember black women going back to school because we were “bored,” trending on all socials because it was the thing for us. And now I am sharing it because it is true- leveling up your expertise breathes new life into you. It is amazing how many posts acknowledge that a lack of motivation shouldn’t prevent you from starting, but neglect to share that often the spark you seek lies in the kindling of learning. Whether you read a book, watch a video, or enroll in a course, learning creates new pathways in your mind. Those paths can connect old knowledge to new, helping you see problems and solutions in ways you were unable to before. And that connection is sometimes all you need for hope to be renewed. But that won’t happen unless you are open to learning via conventional and unconventional methods. Like documenting a conversation with someone who has been in your field for two decades. Lots to learn there. If your fields are ready, of course.
While you may not be starting from scratch, there are seasons when we all need a revival of new energy. And while not all of us have terminal illness in our families to contend with like Amy and Lino, we still need new sources of hope occasionally on our life’s journey. New loves, new things to look forward to, and reasons to live. Not to say the loves that brought you this far aren’t valuable; they are. Yet as we evolve, so must what sustains us. We don’t eat baby food when we become toddlers. So when life begins to feel stale, or even if you love it all but have a yearning for more, I want to let you know first that nothing is wrong with that. It is human. And I hope that if none of the options above took root in you, you survey your own land and see what you can plant and grow to bring new hope to your life.
Until next time.
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