This season, I find myself constantly observing my life’s pace. I’ve seemed to go on and on about how I’ve slowed down a bit, how I cherish walking more slowly, how I practice presence in my morning and evening care routines, and how I show myself grace internally as I courageously protect my boundaries. What I haven’t shared are some obstacles, perspectives, and practical tips around pace to help you slow down and enjoy the luxury of time and space the way I’ve learned to. That failure, however, I hope to rectify today.
Now imagine being in a meeting with your manager discussing your progress towards an important cross-functional assignment. You have been on this team for 7 months, and in the past your manager has received feedback from other teams that you tell co-workers what to do rather than work with them toward a solution, and you are shut off, so no one has the chance to engage with your personality.
As an introvert-heavy ambivert, you start doing your best to engage your colleagues, even sharing semi-homemade treats. You’ve tried to do a better job of smiling in the halls and joining chats, lunches, and group conversations.
In your mind, you’ve tried to be more open and less “bossy,” yet in this meeting your manager again tells you you need to do a better job of building relationships with your co-workers. Deflated, your mind goes blank and your body language shifts. Your shoulders slump, or maybe you even hunch forward a little as you realize your effort still wasn’t enough.
Yet at this moment your manager, who does not know you well enough to read those deflated and distressed signals, changes the tone of their voice and accuses you of becoming frustrated and disengaged in the meeting.
Now popular culture teaches that this is the moment you should have a clapback ready, structured for the professional environment. And I really agree. As a matter of fact, major shoutout to all the creators who keep me laughing and saving on Pinterest, cause one day, I’ll be healed enough to use them.
But if you are in a season of your life where your settings are “Calm” and “Crash Out”, this is where you need to reclaim the sovereign pause. That pause will keep you from the consequences of crashing out. Cause jail and being broke are not for me. Ever. So instead of putting someone’s head through a computer screen, or snatching a trachea like Scorpion yelled, “Get over here,” on Mortal Kombat, I want you to consider how powerful you would be if silence were no longer awkward for you.
Let’s go back to the hypothetical with your boss. You’ve just been accused of doing something you didn’t do. You’re already riled up from the accusation, and then the conversation takes another turn. What if, in that moment, deflation gives way to disrespect? What if your immediate thought is, “Who in the **** are they talking to?” And what if you have no guardrails on your emotions and no grasp of how much you stand to lose?
Would you give this one person, who clearly does not know you, the power to destroy everything you’ve built? Or everything you’re building?
Or do you pause? Do you take a moment and look at that person, giving both them and you a chance to sit with what was just said, before you respond? There is a big chance that the person making such a bold, unsubstantiated claim won’t be able to sit with it in silence for even 60 seconds. Meanwhile, you will have regained your composure and decided if and how you’d like to respond.
That is why pausing is so powerful. Popular culture would have you think that pausing is for simps, for those who cannot defend themselves and could be easily bullied. But self-control is the cornerstone of silence. Ask anyone who tries to meditate. You can believe in gifts of the spirit, monks in temples, or nothing but human discipline, but it all comes down to self-control not being easy to maintain. Yet you won’t even consider pausing if you still live life at a hare’s pace.
This pause is even easier in text conversations. Personally, I don’t text unless I know the person intimately. They should know my slang, my go-to fast-food order, my laundry habits- I mean private things about me 🤣. I know that isn’t everyone’s approach, and professional communication has its own lane. Yet I share because how well you know a person matters when communicating without the benefit of seeing a face or hearing a tone of voice.
Nevertheless, I encourage you to use the tool wisely now that everyone thinks it’s the best way to communicate. If someone texts you something that presses an emotional hot button for you, write your initial reaction message back. But resist the urge to send it right away. It is not about a manipulative “power play”; it’s about not giving your wounded first response as ammunition to your opposition.
The more you fight, the more they learn your weaknesses, and if their goal is to harm you, you lose even when you think you are advancing.
Read your message. Ensure it communicates what you would say and how you would say it if you were speaking to the person, face to face. You are not obligated to give someone a reaction that doesn’t represent you just because they want an immediate response. You are allowed to process your emotions, all of them, and determine how you want to respond.
What I hope you begin to see is that pausing is another expression of abundance. In all my sharing, I’ve never expressed it like that. Whether that is due to age, wisdom, or a radical combination, the truth is I’ve learned that silence is rich, pace is luxurious, and the consequences of a simple pause are immensely rewarding. I’d love to hear if changing how you see the speed of life has changed any outcomes for you.
Until next time, Big Dogs✨
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